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Nov. 2nd, 2004 | 11:32 pm music: Sonata In A Major Bwv 1032 Vivance Steel, steam, passion, silk, burlap, dung, bright red satin, water, sky, tears...all weaving themselves into the tapestry of my life. If you had told me 2 years ago i would be here today, i would have not laughed, but cried in fear. As i pause on the side of the road to consider where i am, i am overwhelmed. I have been surprised lately to be called brilliant, grounded, and brave for taking the leap of faith to quit the soulless numbing and uncreative job i've had for 6 years. It seemed an easy decision compared to the one to leave the marriage i'd had half my life. So here i sit, allowing myself to feel the pain those two commitments caused me, and releasing them. It isn't easy. Odd how the pain ties you to the commitment as much as the inertia. Unlike the past when i was overcome by fear and unable to play out an idea from the soul, now i feel like i have the strength. My spirit is strong enough to bring forward my true self. All these years later, these words still resonate inside me. I continue to shed all that does not serve me, I continue to marvel at the new spaces I inhabit. Today I strip myself of garments I have outgrown, that have ripped and torn along the journey, the jewelry of the ego's pride that weighs me down, the masks that obscure my soul's power. Like Inanna, I pass through the seven gates and come to the heart of darkness, stripped of all but my essence. I am not afraid. I reverently bow to this place where nothing but my truth resides. The light, the dark, the very heart of my shadow, is who I am. Last night, I prostrated myself before my Spirit, holding onto the last few trinkets of resistance....proof of my right to feel like a victim, to feel hurt and wounded. I gave them up, returning them to the Universe. Being free from them, I can create newer purer stories to adorn my life with. New dreams to inhabit. Tonight, I journey straight to the throne of Ereshkigal in the underworld. I have a beloved heart-sister holding space for me as Ninshuber held watch for Inanna. My heart grows lighter and clearer with each layer I remove.

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